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If we aren't willing to do chores, then we're spoiled little brats, which is probably your fault anyway. But try not to phrase it so that it makes us feel like little kids again (see my dad's comment). We should do chores - after all you've been gracious enough to let us live in your home. You just take a hose and put it over the plant."ĭon't feel weird about asking your grown child to do chores. As my dad often says, "Say what you mean. If you feel yourself starting to react passive-aggressively toward your children, say something. If something is left fuzzy, trust me: It will end up becoming a problem. Of course, certain issues - such as sex or, in the case of my father, drugs, - may be deal breakers for some parents, so spell out exactly what those are to your kids. Your kids have been living on their own for a while, going out late, and doing whatever it is they do, so try to respect that they're adults now.
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"Don't snort any cocaine, that's for losers and movie producers. And if they don't, you have a legitimate gripe and can hold it over their heads to manipulate them over and over again. And, more generally, if you send clear messages as a parent - like my dad's - it's easier for your kids to respect them. But as a parent, you should also recognize that your kids are going to need some area of the house that's theirs and theirs alone. My dad said this to me as soon as I moved in, and, needless to say, I stay far away from his computer desk.